It is hard to know what to write as I face the passage of one year’s time and we remember the rising of two souls, David Shane and Elizabeth Grace. We are told in Psalm 139 that our days are numbered, ordered by God alone before time ever began. We know that nothing catches The God of the Universe by surprise. We read in Isaiah 14, “Just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned, so it will stand.” We also acknowledge as Believers that we can not possibly know the mighty works of God because the human mind is so finite and our vision is terribly eschewed. The wise Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 3, “God has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their hearts, so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.”

Still, I want to believe there must be some mistake. That for a brief moment, on March 26, 2006, that God somehow relinquished control and abdicated the throne. That notion negates everything I know to be true about God and His all-sufficient love for us and His everlasting presence in our lives. That idea presumes that God is not all-powerful, not all-knowing, nor is He an ever-present help in time of trouble. It is a falsehood and is the very claim this world tries to make, especially when life is filled with all that is rotten, ugly, evil and tragic. Many of us are quick to curse God vehemently in our trials and then dispassionately bless Him in good times. We suddenly find religion and thank God when life is brimming with joy, success, prosperity and good things.

Tell me if this not true of you, but often I believe we think of ourselves to be the center of all things and seek to please ourselves. It is all about me… my happiness, my future, my success, my ministry, and my family. I think we have an incorrect view of God that He exists to make us happy, meet our needs, and serve our interests.

How can we possibly continue to relate to God in this way? He does not serve me; I serve Him! But in my weakest state I say, ‘Lord, if you really loved me, then You would have prevented the accident, or God, You would have healed Shane and Ellie and allowed us to continue in the work in Wyoming. Where are You, in all of this?’

Abraham Kuyper in his book, To Be Near Unto God, explains that our knowledge of God and His character increases through adversity. I believe that is what has transpired in me over the last year. Here is what I have learned: God does not measure nor direct the course of things according to my desires or my wishes. In His perfect plan for my life, and for yours, there are motives and reasons beyond our comprehension that operate entirely outside of our own preferences or scope of what we believe to be the right course. (For more on that, read From Grief to Glory by James W. Bruce III.)

Throughout history, when it appears as though God is tearing down, in actuality, He is raising up. What looks to us like ruin and desolation, God is using for His good, to develop perseverance and faith in us. Job is one of the Biblical models of that.

Then Job replied to the LORD: “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:1-5)

If I had it my way, Father God, I would have gladly gone home to Glory one year ago today. Why this? Why now? Lord, help me to understand. Help me to accept Your will, Your plan and Your purpose above my very own. Help me to see Your Hand at work, even when the understanding doesn’t come. Forgive me, Lord, for my arrogance in presuming that I know more about how to rule my life than You. Forgive me for my wretched thoughts and my sins. Heal the deep chasm in my heart and fill it with Your love, for Your Glory. And thank you, Dear Lord, for the people that you have placed in my life over the last year, the one’s who love me, encourage me, and pray for me without fail. In You alone, I continue draw my strength and for that I am grateful. In Jesus Name, Amen!